Amanda Stovall

I grew up thinking my wants and needs came second to the wants and needs of others around me, I just needed to keep others happy and at bay, and I would be safe and OK. This is a survival mindset, I didn’t know as I lived my life it would trap me into being a people pleaser, unhappy, exhausted, resentful, and angry. I internalized everything, I did not know how to allow my emotions to flow, especially love, in any way. Giving love or receiving love was extraordinarily uncomfortable for me. It honestly just didn’t feel safe to love, it felt vulnerable, and I couldn’t take those kinds of chances. So, I lived what I’d now refer to as a half-life for many, many years. Doing what I thought others wanted me to do, putting a smile on when I was furious, sad, and confused. I really didn’t know any other way, as I had been living that way for as long as I could remember. I believed my emotions were a burden on other people and bothering people was dangerous.

I was always a dedicated worker, doing more than the status quo, picking up calls and returning calls other people didn’t want to make, I excelled at work, but when I came home, I was a nobody. I got married in my 20’s, and through this relationship, I continued to play the role of provider and people pleaser, but I wasn’t pleasing anyone, and I hated that at work, I was treated nicely, but when I came home, I was non-existent, and again I felt like my voice didn’t matter. I did as much as I could around the house, but everything I did was wrong. My survival strategy stopped working, and my behavior started to morph into anger more and more because I felt that I was going above and beyond to keep my partner happy, but he was never happy with me, and in fact, it felt like he hated me some days.

My world started to implode, I gained massive weight, 60 pounds within 2 years, I started having weekly panic attacks at work. I started getting weird sicknesses causing me to go to the ER several times. I would come home and read and eat dinner alone in our bedroom for many nights. I hated my life. I ended up getting a divorce and going through another long term, unhealthy relationship. Until I stumbled across a relationship that set me back and made me feel just like I did as a child, and luckily it was so dramatic and so damaging I had to choose to change my life right then and there. I could not go on another day, I had to find out who I was, what I wanted, and what I stood for. I had to proactively change my behavior form one of a scared, fearful victim who will stay with people just to not be alone, to one of courage, wholeness, and integrity, and massive passion to move through my life with love, respect, and boundaries.

I found practices that supported a new lifestyle, yoga, meditation, bodywork such as massage, acupuncture, and more. I joined communities and met new people; I took personality surveys to find out what I like. I was so confused I didn’t know what was me or other people anymore. I had to re-event myself and model myself after someone I would respect. Many of the tools and techniques I used are in The BEING Zone Book and Training Course, and that why this is so important for me to share.

It breaks my heart knowing people are walking around this world in pain, suffering, isolating and not being able to express love because I was there and I put myself in the worst possible positions because of my ingrained beliefs and blocks and simply put, it does not have to be that way!

Today I live with the love of my life in Skagit County in a beautiful home I only ever dreamed of before this. Some of my favorite hobbies are painting, kayaking, nature walks, and just being outside in the sun.

Learn more at: https://thebeingzone.com/courses/